Category: Nostalgia

Numbers Game

January 3, 2011

I am currently studying for the GRE test, which means I have to reacquaint myself with a lot of mathematical concepts. My Kaplan book says that the GRE “is not a math test” but rather a test of logical thinking. This is false. In many cases, you can’t just pull logical answers out of thin air without knowing a few formulas and processes first. If you don’t know what a median is, you’re not going to figure it out on logic alone.

I like the idea of math. In addition to the also aforementioned “The Phantom Tollbooth” and “Pi”, I enjoyed the Child Craft book “Mathemagic” and the work of Lewis Carroll. (Yes, “Alice in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking Glass” have intentionally illogical premises, but that’s what gives them opportunities to present logical concepts. The guy was a mathematician.) Numbers are not characters, though, and equations are not storylines. That’s probably why the math concepts I remember from elementary school were the ones that were given stories.

For example:

    1. x > y means x is greater than y. This is because a crocodile’s mouth is shaped like a >, and the croc always eats the larger number.
    2. A negative number multiplied by a negative number equals a positive number. This is because when bad things happen to bad people, that’s a good thing (at least if you’re vengeful). To put it another way, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
    3. If some kind of alien race landed on Earth and they all had six fingers and six toes, their basic number system would most likely contain two more digits. Instead of 1-10, their system would revolve around 1-12, so multiplying by 12 would be the same way humans multiply by 10: just put a zero after the first number. This is the kind of thing Lewis Carroll liked to do, but in this case, it’s Schoolhouse Rock.
Little Twelvetoes Schoolhouse Rock
Schoolhouse Rock’s Little Twelvetoes.

Sometimes math concepts apply to my real-life experiences. During my extensive cashier experience, I repeatedly had to explain to customers that when something is already on clearance for 60% off, using their 30% coupon does not mean they’re getting something for 90% off.

But I have a hard time imagining coordinate geometry. Creative types such as myself are supposed to be good as visualizing things. Yet there’s just no way to say “Once upon a time, there was an x-axis and a y-axis…”. In this case, the only thing you can do is use logic.

A Brief Wondrous Stint in Fan Fiction

May 17, 2010

I was the first person to publish “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” fan fiction on fanfiction.net. That was five years ago and maybe I shouldn’t be proud of it, but I did receive some good reviews from the few site members who discovered it in the “24” fanfic section and weren’t upset that it didn’t pertain to the adventures of their beloved Jack Bauer. The reason I hid there was because at the time, there was no “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” category, and after no response from the editors regarding my requests, I decided that the already written stories should be published somewhere, so I stuck them in the first section listed on the site. I checked back a few days ago and now that there is a “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” section, I requested that the stories be moved there. So while this isn’t newly published material, I consider it re-released. (You can check them out here and here.)

I should backtrack a bit. My experiment with fan fiction began and ended, like many experiments, in college. A girl in my publishing class gave a presentation on fan fiction and she must have been very persuasive, because I went in thinking that fan fiction was for obsessive, myopic weirdos and I came out thinking it could be fun to try. I’d been watching volume 2 of the “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” DVD set and came up with two stories. It was amazingly easy to do. The character development, the settings, and the grounds for a plot are already established. It’s the feeling I imagine a carpenter gets when putting together IKEA furniture.

After the two stories, I was done. It’s true that I found it ultimately unsatisfying from a creative standpoint. But the real reason is that I can’t take it seriously. I can’t call them “fics” and refer to “shipping” and “slash” and “OTPs” with a straight face. I’m weird enough as it is. So to paraphrase the great Groucho Marx, why would I want to join a club that will have people like me as members?

Learning to Share

April 19, 2010

One problem I’ve had as a writer is with the anxiety that once my words are out there, they can be interpreted in ways I may not have intended. So understandably, when I was gathering material for this portfolio, I got uneasy when I Googled my name and found this gem. I had no idea it existed until then:

‘Reports From The General: Younger Than Jesus’ at The New Museum, 235 Bowery, New York

May 5, 2009 | by YTJ

Ten dollars an hour is nothing to laugh at these days. It’s what Megan Robb was making before she was laid off from her job at an architectural firm. Unemployed, she applied for a new gig that requires considerably less effort on the job—sleeping in an upcoming participatory art installation at the New Museum of Contemporary Art.

“My brother told me about it as a joke because he thought it was weird,” said Robb, 24. “But I’m not doing anything else. I enjoy sleeping, art and money.”

So begins an article in The Columbia Journalist titled “Sleeping beauties in the New Museum,” which contains interviews with several of the women participating in Chu Yun’s artwork. “More than 170 women responded to the [recruitment] ad with their pictures”, said Jarrett Gregory, a curatorial assistant. About 50 were asked to audition at the museum. ‘Some people seemed like they had better motivations,’ Gregory said. “Some were more exhibitionist. It’s just sleeping.”

This is the attitude you get when you’re out of work. Needless to say, I didn’t get that job, either. My statements were part of an interview with Katy Hall (the Columbia student who wrote the article) and not with the museum curator, so it’s not like I sabotaged my opportunity, but I do look obnoxious. Once something I said or wrote is online and it’s not hidden behind a username, that’s it, even if the username is “mkrobb” (there actually are quite a few of us). It’s on record for anyone to see. That’s why I was hesitant to publish my portfolio online. Of course, a few things floating in cyberspace are under my full name. One in particular I’d rather not be associated with myself because the final version bore little resemblance to my original work. That’s an unfortunate chance that freelance writers have to take, but it’s part of the M.O. And I have to accept that.

So here I am now. If I’m willing to let strangers watch me sleep, I should let them read and judge my work. I’m not sure which is the more intimate act, but I do know which one is better for me in the long run.